Friday, July 11, 2008

Life with dewclaws.

I have an ouwie. I am sure that you will want to know. I was romping around the usual way in my heap of interesting objects that I keep on the deck and before I knew it I felt a pang of pain and saw my nail hanging in some strawberry netting. It hurt (not the nail but my ouwie) but I didn't make a big issue out of it at all.

My nail was interesting and I could see Homie looking at me curiously, the way she does when I do something she doesn't understand. Then she heard me crack it between my teeth and she jumped up. She just didn't understand what it was that I had in my mouth and of course, I kept my mouth shut really tightly because I wasn't going to share this yummy treat with Homie.

Then later she saw me licking my dewclaw and I could see a light bulb go on above her head.

You see, the breeder removed my front dewclaws but not those on my back legs and the groomer always leaves them a little long. Sorta cool looking seeing Homie won't let me have a tattoo or pierce my ears.

Naturally we now have a little machine that Homie has let me lick and sniff for a couple of days. It whirrs, which is a little scary. Yesterday Homie filed down my nails with it. I think this is going to be a weekly procedure so good job I like the attention I get and it doesn't hurt me at all.

My dewclaw is growing again but still looks like a funny little stump. Knowing Homie I think I can put long nails as part of my look out of my head from now on.

Kiss a frog.

Since I haven't heard from Max, Homie said that maybe I should kiss a frog. This morning, waddaya know, there was a frog swimming laps in the pool. Cool as a cucumber. I can hardly imagine that Homie was serious when she said I should kiss something that small, besides he was icky looking. She is telling me fairy tales again. At first I thought well maybe I should just gobble him up. He looked as tasty as a lizard which is nothing like something as good as chicken, but I like to play with my food and lizards give you a fun hard time, but, boy, frogs give you the hardest time. They just swim under water, back and forth, with their long legs and there is no way for me to catch one because I like to keep my ears dry.

I wonder what would happen if I kissed a frog? Homie just leaves me hanging without an answer. Now I am going to have to find out for myself. I am going to practice kissing from now on. Everyone I meet, I will jump up and give them a couple of kisses on the lips.
Up till now no one has seemed to like it. They all turn their face away and make a fuss. NO jumping, NO licking, so NO kisses either, I guess.

No wonder I am confused at times.

Update: The next day I saw my frog in the pool again again and delicately between two teeth, I saved him from drowning. He hopped around for a while and I kissed him. Without any warning he suddenly expired, I think out of pure excitement. Buried him under the bush and am still confused.